take a gun and shoot me in the head part II.

(tempat lahirnya bakal bakal pembunuh bersiri dan blogger miskin.)

Aahh..

Atas permintaan ramai, saya akan bercerita lagi tentang pengalaman saya ketika menuntut di Maktab Tentera Diraja dahulu. Kali ini saya ingin bercerita tentang seorang cikgu RMC.

Ma'am Ruslida a.k.a Syaitan Bertudung a.k.a Mayat Hidup

Nama yang cukup dibenci oleh Farhan Arif.

Ma'am Ruslida mengajar subjek Bahasa Malaysia untuk kelas 2 dan 3 Alpha. Jadi saya terpaksa menempuh 2 tahun yang cukup derita bersama dengannya. Ma'am Ruslida seorang yang sangat kejam. Mukanya pula sangat pucat seperti mayat. Mukanya juga sangat mengundang tapak kaki. Tidak pernah tersenyum. Hanya senyum tipu ketika mengambil gambar untuk majalah sekolah. Sungguh gemar mendera pelajar. Target utama beliau, seperti biasa, Farhan Arif. Ma'am Ruslida amat suka mengajar kami KOMSAS (Komponen Sastera) dan saya pula amat membenci KOMSAS kerana perlu banyak menulis. Opposite attracts, mungkin kerana itu dia selalu target saya? Maybe.

Ma'am Ruslida pernah menjadikan tangan saya tempat melepaskan dendam kesumat kerana saya mengupah seorang rakan kelas untuk menyalin sinopsis novel Meniti Kaca. Habis dirotan sehingga terkupis kulit. Bodoh punya rakan kelas, tulisan dia sungguh berlainan dengan tulisan saya menyebabkan perbuatan jahat saya itu dapat dihidu oleh Ma'am Mayat.

Ma'am Ruslida juga pernah menyumbat cengkih kedalam mulut saya dan beliau memaksa saya mengunyah bunga cengkih tersebut sehingga hancur dan telan kerana saya tidak menyiapkan kerja rumahnya. Saya memang tidak pernah membuat kerja rumah yang disuruh oleh beliau maka semua punishmentnya akan saya terima dengan hati terbuka. Akibat tindakannya yang sungguh mulia itu, semua jenis makanan yang saya telan ada perisa cengkih.

*Nak dengar cerita menarik? Setelah menulis dengan amatlah panjang macam babi, bila nak post ter-hang pula laptop. Yang keluar hingga ke takat ini. Jadi saya perlu tulis kembali. Haih.*

Kelas 3 Alpha memang terkenal dengan keadaan kelas yang sentiasa bising, tidur dan semak seperti baru lepas perang dengan Israel. Pernah Ma'am Ruslida mendenda satu class untuk duck walk sebanyak 5 pusingan koridor. Kerana asyik didenda untuk duck walk, pelajar 3 Alpha bagai sudah immune dengan penderaan tersebut. Tapi tipu lah kalau nak kata tak sakit. Lutut longgar habis. Malangnya, ketika itu senior form 5 ternampak kami sedang menjalankan hukuman. Form 5 ketika zaman saya memang celaka semuanya, pantang dapat point untuk mendera. Setelah habis kelas, mereka mendera kami dengan alasan memalukan Maktab Tentera Diraja. Wtf?

Tetapi semua perkara ini tidak boleh melawan suatu peristiwa hitam yang masih segar didalam ingatan saya. Tidak akan saya lupakan peristiwa ini hingga ke liang lahad. Semua ini ada kena mengena dengan Borethug atau lebih dikenali sebagai Syafiq Azman.

Pada suatu hari, seperti biasa, Ma'am Ruslida datang ke kelas dengan mood nak mendera beliau. Kelas 3 Alpha ketika itu extra kotor. Lalu dia pun datang dengan hati yang puas. Disuruh semua kelas berdiri atas kerusi. Borethug yang ketika itu sedang bad mood kerana dikejut tidur untuk berdiri atas kerusi mengambil segumpal sampah yang berada diatas lantai dan membentukkan sebuah bola dengan sampah tersebut. Dia kemudian melontar gumpalan sampah tersebut dengan amat kuat sekali. Katanya kepada saya selepas adegan tersebut dia hanya ingin mengacah tetapi terlepas. Wtf? Gumpalan sampah tersebut mengenai tepat pada kepala Ma'am Ruslida dengan impak yang sungguh kuat dan padat. Ketepek! Ma'am Ruslida menoleh kebelakang dengan pantas. Matanya berapi!

Oh my god, suspense-nya!

Ma'am Ruslida menjerit sekuat hati "Siapa yang baling tu?!"

Borethug dengan selamba cibainya menuding jari ke arah Farhan Arif. Selama 2 saat seluruh kelas diam. Hanya bunyi cengkerik kedengaran. Kriik, Kriik. Kemudian, seperti terdapat mutual understanding satu kelas dengan serentaknya mengangkat tangan dan menuding ke arah Farhan Arif. MACIBAI! Saya terperangkap. Tidak ada hala tuju. Tidak ada masa untuk berfikir apa perlu diucapkan. Menjadi mangsa keadaan. Kemudian, keluarlah kata-kata hikmat dari mulut saya.

"Weh kimak babi lancau! Asal aku pulak?!"

Aah, masih fresh didalam ingatan ayat tersebut. Kemudian Ma'am Ruslida bergegas kearah saya. Dicapainya rotan beliau yang nipis itu didalam perjalanan. "Oohh.. Mencarut! Mencarut!" Lalu dilibasnya rotan nipis itu. Bukan pada tangan. Bukan pada punggung empuk. Tetapi kepada mulut. Dengan amat kuat dan banyak kalinya. Tanpa sebarang belas kasihan. Saya tidak mampu untuk buat apa-apa. Hanya mampu berdiri menahan kesakitan yang amat. Habis berair mata kerana dilibas syaitan bertudung yang bermuka pucat itu. Mulut bengkak. Penuh dengan kesan libasan pada mulut dan muka. Boleh pulak dia target tak betul. Sampai ke dahi pun ada hinggap libasannya. Hati saya ketika itu hanya Tuhan yang tahu. Mahu sahaja saya mencapai kerusi berdekatan dan baling ke arahnya.

Selepas itu, Borethug datang ke arah saya dengan muka selamba taiknya itu dan berkata

"Weh, sorry doh."

Hanya itu sahaja yang dikatakan. Dan itu sahajalah conversation kami berdua untuk seminggu. Saya tidak bercakap dengan Borethug.

Borethug, Fuck you.

Sejak peristiwa tersebut, tahap kebencian saya terhadap Ma'am Ruslida naik mendadak. Dia juga semakin membenci saya. Setiap peluang untuk mendenda tidak dilepaskan. Semuanya salah. Dia juga menyumpah saya akan fail untuk pelajaran Bahasa Malaysia untuk PMR. (Tetapi masih berjaya untuk dapat A. Haha!) Dia juga enggan untuk bersalaman dengan saya ketika acara 'Memohon Maaf Bersama Guru Sebelum Periksa'. Kurang ajar betul. Saya juga apa kurangnya. Menyebarkan khabar angin, mengutuk dan boikot Ma'am Ruslida. Ketika itu, dia sedang sarat mengandung jadi banyak lah perkataan tidak elok terukir di notice board belakang kelas. Gemuk. Mayat Buncit. Syaitan Bulat. Saya juga ada tertanya tanya samada yang akan keluar dari perut beliau itu bayi atau syaitan jr. Mana lah tau. Haih, sudah banyak ditulis. Nanti akan disambung lagi kalau rajin =)

Till then,

Farhan "apa wowo?!" Arif.

tak payah makan magic mushroom pun boleh halusinasi.

48 hours, with just 2 hours of sleep.

Crack gila doh. Otak tak berfungsi normal and i'm starting to hallucinate.

Usaha untuk tidur!

home alone 2.

This sucks. No one is at home. I feel like I'm the only one in this world. All i do is sleep and stare at a book. Stare, not read. I'm listening to Leona Lewis' 'Better In Time'. You know what, even listening to a song can make my head go crazy. Dalam otak berfikir mengikut rentak lagu. Cepat la habis exam, I can't wait for things to get better! I'm such a loser.




(hai semua, nama saya farhan si budak nerd! sebab tu pakai baju butang sampai atas!)

I wasn't feeling well a few days ago so I decided to go see the doctor. ( Correction, i was forced to see the doctor.) Flu, batuk, sore throat, sakit mata and a slight fever. The doctor gave me medicine for all of those illness but dia tak kasi ubat flu because he said i didn't have one. Kau bodoh ke apa bitchface! (mind my French) Just because my nose tak meleleh hingus kau cakap aku takde flu? Anyways, my cough was quite bad so i took quite alot of the cough syrup. I ended finishing the whole bottle in 2 days. Hmm, farny si penagih ubat batuk? But i did follow the instructions given on the bottle. Take a cap every 4 hours. So it's okay la kan? Dahla the ubat for sakit tekak the doctor kasi ubat kumur kumur. Ingat Listerine ke bang? Okay, I'm beginning to write crap. My head's too messed up to think. Haha sorry people. Off to study I go! Up up and awaayyy!! (I really need entertainment. Someone come and save me.)

zombie kampung pandan.

They don't call me Al-Imam Al-Farny for nothing!



Assalamualaikum semua!

Zombie mode is showing it's effects. I've been doing some late night studying for the past 2 weeks. Duduk McD menjual muka sambil cubaan belajar sampai pukul 6 pagi every night. My eyebags dah ibarat sepasang cermin mata gelap Ray Ban.

Anyways, "ketumbit" dah takde! Thanks to a reader of mine, I now know what "ketumbit" is in English. STYE! But "ketumbit" sounds way cooler so I'm gonna stick with that. Cukup lah with all the "Ooo mengintai anak dara mandi eh?" Time betul betul intai takde pulak tumbuh tembikai kat mata, sigh.

Fakta Rawak Tentang Farhan Arif:

Farny Arif tidak boleh mencangkung dengan normal.

Iyess. I can't cangkung properly. Kaki harus "jengket" kalau nak mencangkung. If i try to cangkung cecah tumit kat lantai,

Pek.

Jatuh ke belakang. Pelik. Why? Why?

i like to move it move it!

(You gotta watch Madagascar 2, penguin mafia's the best)

Q: Benda apa yang bertukar hitam-putih-hitam-putih?

A: Penguin tengah berguling.



Tanda-tanda anda sedang dibuli.

• Dipaksa menulis 298 fakta-fakta yang semuanya benar didalam masa 1 hari sahaja. Sehingga jari melecet.
• Reject kesemua 298 fakta tersebut. Hmmph.
• Menuduh anda seorang yang rabun dan menyuruh anda memeriksa mata di kedai optik. Di dalam perjalanan, diugut jika mata walau terdapat sedikit pun kerabunan, dia tidak akan bercakap dengan anda sampai mati.
• Setelah memeriksa, didapati mata perfect. Tetapi dia tidak mahu berkawan dengan anda kerana anda tidak rabun.
• Setiap perkataan yang anda lafaz akan di-interrupt dengan "Aaaahh!!"
• Semua cadangan anda akan dibangkang. Tidak akan disokong lansung.
• Gemar melakukan perkara yang anda tidak suka. An an an an?
• Ketika anda sedang seronok tidur, kepala diketuk dengan teddy bear tidak bermata.
• Anda sedang seronok bercerita, bila habis dia akan berkata "So?"
• Suka menyuruh anda memberi urutan kepala, tetapi enggan melakukan kepada anda.
• Banyak lagi, tapi kalau tulis banyak banyak hati taufu akan ditikam lidi.
  

Dedicated to Mumble Girl.

farny's back. tum-to-da-bit!

Hello people!

It's been awhile but i guess I'm gonna start writing back because Mumble Girl managed to persuade me. Anya, kau pun tak berjaya membodek tau tak. Haha! Sorry for the absence, I've been really busy. Konon nak berlagak nerd belajar for exams. I've been left alone again at Shah Alam. Again. Kenapa la my course kena habis lambat sangat. Mengundang. So, sesiapa yang nak melepak dengan Si Sunyi Shah Alam please feel free to call!




Anyways, I have a "ketumbit" on my left eye. It's the size of Mercury. Besar macam babi sial! Aura macho menurun sebanyak 25% terus. I'm thinking of wearing an eye-patch. Aye aye captain!

There's much to write actually tapi semua topik berterabur. So I'm gonna write more later eh.

Oh ya, what the hell is "ketumbit" in English?

malasnya nak menulis.

Takde mood. Bye!

berita tergempar malaysia.

Anya Qarira Roslan the monkayh, kau si miskin!

I made RM0.75 dah kat my Nuffnang!

I'm gonna get rich soon! Blogger mewah la I macam ni.

You're losing the battle woman!

People, click more, click more! I like!

monyet bergayut di tengkuk.

Okay, so Anya's been gone for a day now. Siapa kenal penggali kubur? Booking satu slot please? Bosan can die. Feels so different when you're not here you ass. Nak main ping-pong texting dengan siapa lagi lepas ni? Amigo Faiz? He's busy at Wal-Mart.

*Counting the days till November*

Alright, let's try forgetting about Anya and move on for awhile. (Macam boleh je) I have to. Or else my beloved readers akan bosan asyik baca cerita pasal you je, they'll stop reading my blog. Don't stop reading! I wanna be rich! Nuffnang! Hey guys, wanna see pictures of Anya naked? Click at the link on the right side of the page. Yang ada tulis Nuffnang tu. *Hoho Anya, I'm gonna be rich!*





Wow! Mr.nakkenatampar can cook! Hello cute girls out there, want me to cook for you? Don't worry, I'll just make sure the ambulance are ready if you collapse from food poisoning. Ala chill la, baru 3 orang je mati keracunan from my cooking. It's completely safe, trust me.

Today, my sisters just came back from their vacation. Sorang Penang, sorang Perhentian Island. They got me souvenirs! Jaja got me an anklet berbentuk cicak yang diukir dari buah kelapa. (Actually she bought it for herself but i took it from her =D) And Kakak got me a monkayh doll! I think you're supposed to hang it somewhere but it's been hanging on my neck for the past 2 hours. Style, boleh pakai pegi prom!




(Guys, meet Qarira.)

Kalau ada orang terasa, jangan poyo. It has nothing to do with you. ;)

sesi emo beramai ramai.

Anya Qarira Roslan The Rockstar, You asshole!

I am going to hate Malaysia after this. Why Aussie? Why not Segambut, Klang or something? Why must it be some place far that i can't possibly drive there? Even though it means 3.150 bloody bucks for a litre. Super V-Power Racing yo. Bodoh forever. Life's not gonna be the same after this. I HATE YOU!!!! Never have i enjoyed my life this much before this. Why must you go so early? Damn, life is going to be miserable. No more tampar tampar, no more pengukuran pinggang, no more emo episodes, no more problem sharings, no more 513. 513 513 513!!!!!! If you get what I mean. Not the tebu episode you retard, the other thing! I'm sorry for the other readers who might be possibly reading this. You won't understand shit what I'm talking about. Who cares, this is about the girl who made my life fucking interesting for 3 weeks. And just to point out, she's not my chick. She's like a sister to me. A retarded sister to be exact. No offense Jaja, kau tu boleh tahan ah. HAHAHA! Haih, I just don't know how to express myself. Words just can't possibly describe it. Cewah, ayat falsafah. Bak kata Anya, taking a leaf from Pings, publisiti murahan. Hehe. I'm gonna miss you. Please contact me as soon as you reach Melbourne. Bubbles sucks forever.

On the bright side, ibu tersayang is making me go to Aussie instead of UK. I was damn depressed today and when she asked me why, I told her you're leaving for Melbourne. Jom kita quote kata ibunda tersayang "Just study hard, then you can go to Australia if you want." I might be interested in Bubbles after all. If it does go as plan though.

Wei monyet, if this post doesn't make you cry, let me know. I'll write you a poem sampai kau menangis air mata sebaldi. Boleh derma dekat kanak kanak Cambodia.

Much love from Malaysia,

Pings. (Orang yang tak tahu, diam. Jangan tanya kenapa.)





Haha! Anya, I know you love me. This picture is gonna be everywhere in Malaysia!

Sas sesh!

bosan?

I'm suffering so much it's not funny anymore. I can't even blog. I do have quite a few materials to write about but I just don't have the mood to do so. I'm sorry, I need to be entertained. Si Malang tak sanggup duduk menyangap lama lama. Somebody be my hero and save me.



(Ini gambar lama. Sekarang sudah tidak mampu tersenyum.)


Sungguh pathetic.

take a gun and shoot me in the head.

I'm dying out of boredom. Somebody come to Shah Alam and save me. This is miserable.

Perhatikan gambar ini,

Makhluk-makhluk jijik ini (kecuali berbaju merah) dikenali sebagai bekas pelajar Maktab Tentera DiRaja.

Di sinilah anda diherdik, dicerca, dihina dan diliwat selama setahun ketika baru masuk bergantung kepada tahap kecomelan anda. Tetapi disinilah jugalah anda akan mempelajari erti sebenar kehidupan. Melakukan perkara sedaya upaya supaya boleh menjalankan kehidupan yang normal dan tidak dalam kesakitan selepas itu. Cukup arif dengan istilah "co-operate". Bekerjasama melakukan semua perkara dengan sempurna sekali.

Tetapi perkara ini hanya bertahan selama setahun. Makin meningkat dewasa, makin perangai perasan dewa. Apabila anda sampai on top of the food chain, mula lah tumbuh tanduk. Tidak sabar untuk mengenakan kepada juniors apa yang kita sendiri menghadapi ketika kita sama umur dengan mereka. Tidak sabar untuk melayangkan sepakan ke perut, memaksa membasuh baju kita yang berpeluh, berlendir dan berbau bangkai. Tidak sabar untuk membuat mereka menyesal memasuki institusi pembelajaran ini. Perasaan sama yang dialami oleh setiap putera ketika baru masuk. Tipu lah kalau kata suka. Anak kepada komandan, ketua jurulatih mahupun mana mana big shot di negara Malaysia ini tidak dikira. Anda boleh dianggap dewa ketika anda masih junior. Tidak ada sesiapa yang berani menyentuh anda. Ada yang suka tunjuk berani nak try, tetapi berakhir dengan linangan air mata kerana dibuang sekolah.

Walaupun saya sendiri tidak menamatkan pengajian saya di sini, berdasarkan luahan perasaan rakan rakan sepermainan ketika saya menuntut di sini sebulat suara menyatakan perkara yang sama iaitu those days has past, it's not the same any longer. Sebenarnya saya sengaja menulis dalam Bahasa Inggeris. Hakikatnya, sesiapa yang bercakap Bahasa Inggeris akan dikutuk. Poyo speaking katanya. Hohoho sekolah kampung.

Apa yang berlainan adalah mindset para pelajar baru. Mereka tidak faham apa itu Royal Military College. Ragging Must Continue. Atau Rogol Minah Comel untuk berberapa pelajar yang terjatuh dari dakapan ibu atau pengasuh ketika masih kecil dan secara tidak langsung meninggalkan efek kepada otak mereka. Anyways, para pelajar baru ini tidak sanggup menerima sebarang jenis deraan. Fizikal, mental mahupun seksual.


(Gambar diambil dari facebook Jason Wee kerana dia seorang sahaja yang masih tak sedar diri dah tua bangka.)

Para pelajar baru ini berdasarkan cerita yang sampai di telinga saya, pantang disentuh. Terus menghantar laporan kepada pihak atasan. Makin ramai lah pelajar mengalirkan air mata dibawah pintu gerbang RMC. Bagaikan berada didalam sebuah drama Melayu kos rendah. Ini menimbulkan perasaan tidak puas hati dikalangan pelajar senior. Mereka lived through hell untuk setahun, menyimpan dendam kesumat selama 2 tahun, bersumpah kepada diri sendiri akan memberi segala yang dirasai kepada juniors. Apabila sampai masa mereka untuk menunjuk belang, tidak boleh pula. Perasaan marah tidak boleh dikawal. Ingin terus mencuba memberi deraan, belum sempat memberi sudah dibuang. Ingin memberontak juga diakhiri dengan linangan air mata.

Malah sesetengah staf-staf RMC juga melahirkan perasaan tidak puas hati mereka dalam diam kerana Maktab tidak seperti dulu lagi. Bahan bualan ini menjadi gosip hangat dalam Maktab. Kalah majalah Mangga mahupun URTV. Para pelajar baru tidak seperti dulu, semuanya lembik kata mereka. Tetapi mereka tidak boleh membuat apa apa.

Ketika the old days, biarpun kami boleh membuat laporan jika didera, itu adalah perkara terakhir yang akan terlintas di fikiran masing masing. Takut akan kena lebih teruk, kerja berlipat ganda, dipandang serong satu maktab dan dipulau oleh batch sendiri. Tetapi sekarang, sesiapa yang digelar mat report dianggap seorang yang berani. Berani meluahkan perasaan mereka kepada pihak atasan. Para senior tidak boleh membuat apa apa. Mat Report diberi immunity.

Melihat perkara ini berlaku, para pelajar lain mengikut jejak langkah mereka. Seronok agaknya dapat merasai perasaan rancangan realiti Survivor dimana sesiapa yang diberi immunity akan hidup senang tanpa risau. Maka dengan itu, lenyaplah revolusi Maktab Tentera DiRaja. Maktab yang dulunya dipandang tinggi kerana disiplin dan kesakitan yang dialami setiap putera kini hanyalah sekolah yang sama standardnya dengan sekolah di pedalaman Sarawak. Cuma berbeza dari segi pemakaian dan permakanan yang masih tidak berubah. Makanan yang sungguh enak anda semua sanggup berpuasa sunat sebulan.

Sebenarnya, masih banyak perkara yang boleh diceritakan tentang MTD dulu dan kini tetapi saya tahu anda semua sudah bosan kerana post ini amatlah luarbiasa panjangnya. Minta maaf, hidup amat bosan sekarang. Ditinggalkan semua kawan yang sedang bercuti sekarang. Akan diceritakan lagi jikalau mendapat sambutan.

Kesimpulannya, jika anda ternampak di Myspace (bukan Facebook, mereka tidak secanggih itu.) pelajar pelajar Maktab Tentera DiRaja sekarang berbangga dengan sekolah mereka dengan display picture mereka memakai pakaian tentera mahupun ketika sedang menjalani physical exercise, anda hanya perlu meludah ke skrin dan buang sahaja komputer itu. Tidak perlulah anda berasa kagum, itu semua hanya ilusi. Lembik belaka. Ketika menghadiri upacara Old Putera-Present Putera tempoh hari sudah saya melihat tahap kelembikan mereka. Terasa ingin memijak perut hingga terkeluar cirit hijau pun ada. To be continued jikalau ada yang ingin tahu lagi.

First attempt on full Malay post. Peace.

Luahan hati ini didedikasikan kepada

433359
Putera Kanan Mohd. Syafiq b. Azman
(Lelaki yang menganggap dirinya DJ Tiesto di dalam gambar diatas.)

Bangsat negara yang meninggalkan kawan beliau yang amat comel di Shah Alam berseorangan.

I hate you guys.

halusinasi

I need help.

Anya the psychiatrist, i need to have 5 therapy sessions with you. How the hell can i see a man with boobs? Not the man boobies, real boobs! C-cup pulak tu! Inilah namanya ilusi optik. I was staring at that dude for an hour to make sure! I need help, seriously.

Anya said i need to get laid.

Any volunteers?

al-kisah ganja laut (seaweed)

This post is dedicated to Anya kerana selalu mempromote my blog. Nuffnang, yo!

I am a mayoholic. I'm addicted to mayonnaise. Semua makanan sumbat mayonnaise. Nasi lemak mayo please? Yesterday, i had 3 sets of burger mayonnaise melimpah. After that, muak nak mati. Bau mayonnaise pun rasa nak muntah. After that, i swore to myself that i'm not gonna take mayonnaise for a month.

Baru tadi i had tuna sandwich with mayonnaise melimpah. Macam mana ni? Ceh.

Okay, cerita lain.

When i was a small kid, standard 2 to be exact, i love seaweed. Seaweed = Sempurna. Dulu, my cousin from Japan selalu visit us. Every time datang they'll bring berguni-guni seaweed. Wow! Seaweed? Syurga!

My addiction to seaweed tidak boleh dikawal. Makan seaweed, minum seaweed, tidur seaweed. I have seaweed for breakfast, lunch and dinner. At that time, everyday i will bring bekal seaweed to school.

And one day, during recess, i was happily making out with my seaweed and suddenly terasa nak muntah. Watakwang?! So i ran to the longkang and i threw up. Muntah hijau pekat and bits of seaweed went out. Beberapa tersangkut di gigi. Sumpah smart. Everyone saw me puke and they ran away. Celaka! Tak cool la macam ni!

From that day on, i can no longer eat seaweed. Everytime im near seaweed, tumbuh goosebumps. Even the smell of seaweed can make me puke. Imagine having dinner at Sushi King! Makan petai cicah wasabi sahaja. My celaka sisters selalu ask me to try seaweed. And everytime i try seaweed, even a small piece, my face will turn blue. Terus rasa nak muntah.

Seaweed sucks! Lepas ni jumpa seaweed baling kat anjing! Hak tuih!

So the morale of the story my dear readers,

Cut down on mayonnaise. Akan sampai satu tahap dimana bau mayonnaise boleh buat pitam. So after this if you see me asking for mayonnaise lebih, just say;


"Nak kena tampar?"




Eeeeee, boleh buat mati.

My dear friends, please do not offer me seaweed okay. And don't spike my food with seaweed. I'm gonna puke on your face.

sorry, i missed a few of his pictures!

Look at this and tell me its cool!
(the caption he wrote on this picture)




What u starring at huh?
(I am only copying what he wrote. I know how to spell.)


This All My Latest Pic!


=)
I'm so enjoying myself.

bila si bodoh meminta untuk ditampar.

I don't know where to start! I've been clearing my post 3 times because i don't know the perfect way to say it. So, i think i'll just start with a picture. And believe me, there'll be a lot of pictures on this post.




Question number 1:

Is this really a human being?

Tak pernah seumur hidup aku jumpa orang muka seburuk ni. I would rather eat dog shit than shaking his hand. Normally, i don't just insult random people like this. I do insult them, but i don't post blogs about them. Waste of my time. But this guy right here's a special case. Kepala tengah pening pun sanggup tulis jugak.

Check out this guy's blog.

Farhan tidak bertanggungjawab diatas sebarang kehilangan nyawa ketika membaca blog ini.


This whiny bitch keeps on complaining about how it sucks working in Malaysia. Taknak kerja sudah, balik Nepal tanam jagung. He's so proud that he used to work as a cashier at Wal-Mart USA. He keeps on whining that he made a lot more money there compared to here. And all of his arguments doesn't even make any sense. Of course you make more money you stupid bitch, USA kot. He keeps on converting the USD to RM.


What's interesting about this dude is dia ni poyo sampai tak sedar diri bodoh. He said that Malaysians are stupid to condemn his English. The problem is, he can't even write a proper sentence without making me feel like slapping his face.

MELAYU MUDAH LUPA?? WAT THE FUCK KIND OF STATEMENT IS THAT??? YOU people the one need a major brain transplant not me!

Common think wat ya saying! Its like someone offering ya A mercedez SLA with a PROTON and ya saying ya love Malaysia so much and proud to be a MAlaysian so ya take the MALAYSIAN car! DONT BE A DUMBASS!!!! Really Ya all so dumb to the maximum extent!

And ya wanna condemn my ENGLISH?? GO AHEAD! IT NO WONDER THE MALAYS CANT SPEAK ENGLISH BECAUSE THEY CONDEMN EACH OTHER. "JANGAN BERLAGAKLAH", "KO BKN MAT SALLEH LA", THIS THE KINDA STATEMENT I GET FROM THIS IDIOT MALAYS! YA THE ONE NEED HELP! I DONT MIND YA WANNA CONDEMN MY ENGLISH, BECAUSE I USED TO IT. YA COME TO USA, YA SEE HOW THEY APPRECIATE I SPEAK ENGLISH! EVEN THE MALAYS IN USA. REALLY DIFFERENT FROM YA KAMPUNG STYLE BEHAVIOR! REALLY WORST THAN KAMPUNG PPL!

And this statement comes from a guy who works as a tukang masak at a hotel. This dude.


Aww, so cute.

Waih! Tak tahan doh, buruk nak mati muka dia ni!

Kalau buruk je takpe, buruk tak sedar diri. Seriously you should just read his blog. You're gonna ROFL(ayat Anya) while reading it. And for the finishing touch, look at his pictures.

Farhan memohon maaf jika para pembaca mengalami "serangan epilepsi" ketika melihat gambar gambar makhluk ini.








I'm sorry, i just can't stop laughing looking at his pictures. He says that he's a match maker. Or something like that lah, his English is so terrible i don't understand half of his blog. Keeps on saying ya. YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA. Sepak muka. He keeps on saying that the girl is stupid because her boyfriend is too ugly. Ambik cermin tengok sikit, mesti kau pengsan berbuih mulut.

Linda and her bf. This bf face make me laugh all the time. He looking like he born without a brain in the head. maybe god putting shit in his head. look that face there. wat this shit linda!!! wat this shit! common ya wake up and smell the roses, Ya dating an idiot! really look that face!! it look like the face got a defect somehow.

Ya know Husni would make a really good choice for ya Linda but i really not know why ya still prefer that shit face dude. common he reallly at one time in love with ya but ya turn him down. wat wrong huh? he too handsome for ya? STUPID!!! Look all these good looking guys, they turning into losers day by day. I really not understand it. really i fed up with this fucked up girls!!! wat ya see in those losers huh?? wat ya see? TELL ME!!!!! Is husni not good looking for ya? or too good looking? really i tell ya linda, ya wipe shit on ya own face!

Fara...really sorry to see ya bf the fucking ugliest among all these ugly retards!!!! really really sorry to see that. Ya really a sexy girl but ya got a sucky brain! really ya a dumb ass to me! got a beauty but not use it! Too bad or else ya make a good couple with this dude.

Yeah Azim. Ya know he really like ya but too bad ya being the shit head and ya dating that piece of shit who i cant describe if he looking like human or creature! really dumb!!! IDIOT! Ya miss the boat Fara. Azim is still single! piece of shit you are fara!!!!!

This girl another one she wanna get married with this butt face. she only 20 and he 20 but he got no qualification just an SPM. wat he gonna do huh? look that face!!! He ugly and DUMB! really ya a dumb pakistani girl! A SHIT PAKISTANI GIRL!!! This dude look good for ya!Ya dont be dumb common! THis dude a million time better than that dog ya dating! This another recomendation, This dude name Devaraj. He my classmate last time. he got a pakistani blood too and he single. he make good match!

Ahahahahaha. I cannot believe this guy. Here he is talking about looks. It is kinda funny though. With the grammar mistakes, the 'ya ya ya-ing', and the words that no other normal person would use. And he's no Brad Pitt lookalike i can be sure about that.

Okay, maybe sama kat gigi dengan mata dia ah.

Adoi! I can continue this all night long. Just read his blog lah senang cerita. I think im gonna be epileptic after this. Too much kehodohan in one night.

Till then.





AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAH!

hidup yang pelik.

My mum is happy when i go out with girls.

My mum is happy when i'm on the phone with girls.

My mum is happy to meet my girl friends.

Why?

Because my mum said that if i don't see girls, i'm gay. And she's worried because im single. Single means you're gay.

Watakwang?

pukulan kiri, pukulan kanan.

Sorry i haven't been blogging for awhile, malas nak tulis sebenarnya. And there's something wrong with my internet connection. I can't use facebook and post blogs. Sorry.

My cina murtad friend Peter Teh played foosball with Anya. He recognized her from my blog. Wah, so famous. And all of a sudden, i remembered my school days. With Peter, it's about tennis. My doubles partner. Si Bodoh penyebab kekalahan.

When i was studying at RMC, my partner was Syafiq Botak. Go read his gf's blog! Raja Izzati tuh. Okay, RMC is a lousy school. The tennis court is full of cracks and you can't even see the line. It's really hard to hit the ball because the ball would go anywhere if it hit a crack. Macam main judi. Hoping for the ball to land properly. But that did not stop us to play every day. Putus asa is not in our dictionary.

MSSKL is the main event of the year. Tennis = Chicks. Simple maths. When we get to play at the main court and all the chicks are watching, mula lah perangai poyo. Hitting the ball as hard as you can and even screaming at times. Yyyyeeaarrggghhh!!! Pukul tak kena.

Quarter-finals of 2004. Still fresh in my head. Comeback of the year. We were playing like shit. First to 8 wins the game. We were trailing 7-0. We didn't give up and we fought back all the way till 7-7. The game lasted so long, we were the last team still playing at the whole place. Semua dah balik. 40-40. No deuce played. Syafiq hit the ball and the opponent returned a lob shot. The ball landed right in front of me. I was standing a foot from the net. Ahhh! Success! I can smell kemenangan! I wanted this to end with such glory so i hit the ball as hard as i can. I can see the fear in my opponent's eye. I think he saw the fire in my dazzling eyes. YEEEEEAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I screamed as hard as i can while hitting the ball. Opponent dah terkencing dalam seluar. Mulut dah berbuih.

ZZZZZZUUUUUUPPP!!!! (sound effects of the ball)

In my mind, victory!

But.

The ball went straight all the way. It didn't even bounce on the court. It got stuck on the fence outside of the court. Wtf?!!! We lost. Those idiots won. I turned around, Syafiq was on his knees looking at the ground. He looked up at me.

I smiled. Peace! Sorry Botak. Haha!

Part 2 to be continued. Malas nak tulis.

Oh ya, i forgot. Atas permintaan para pembaca.

;)

waktu serius sudah bermula, berhenti mengblog.

Hello guys.

A friend of mine told me that my blog is no longer interesting like it was. Don't worry, you guys don't have to go chop his head off, i understand what he's trying to say to me. And i realize that my posts are getting lamer day by day.

I haven't gotten enough sleep these few days. Beberapa masalah yang tidak boleh dielakkan ;)

I'm gonna stop blogging for awhile i think. Bukan apa, if blogging can make my wallet bigger than an ACCA qualification i would have wrote 10 post a day like Anya. Maybe she is getting paid, I'll ask her later.

I guess I'm not writing like i used to because i have much more important things to concentrate on than making farny in the big city a much happier place. I'm starting my finals this Monday and it's gonna finish on Friday. After that I'm gonna go party with the devil for awhile pastu baru start blogging balik. Cun?

Oh, tak berblog tak semestinya tak layan cbox okay people? Write more, write more! Anya is not famous!



Even Anya used to be as black as coal,

Farhan Arif ;)

okeh, otak pening.

The clock shows 5.34am and it's moving in a very very slow motion. I don't know what to do and the so called 'insomnia' im having is at it's best yet. So, berbekalkan rokok, coke and some music let's write some shit yo.

*after 10 crappy minutes staring at the blank page.*

Today was...gila. Yea, one word that can describe what happened today.

For the past week i've been thinking about switching my blog to full Bahasa Malaysia or just stick with the crappy Manglish. It would be interesting to blog in Malay i must admit, but some words are just meant for English. You just don't change it to Malay. It doesn't sound right.

I'm sounding like a desperate bitch who doesn't know what else to write about.

Oh man, this entry is damn boring. I spent the last 2 hours just termenung-ing and thinking about stuffs. I like to think. It's just sad that i don't use the ability to think and use it for my studies. I like to watch. I like to watch weird people out in the streets. It amuses me how someone who looks like a dog who tries his best to wear his extra small skinny jeans. Purple colour. There are some reasons why they call it 'skinny'. They aren't meant for people who have thighs the size of a snooker table. It's just wrong. The skinny jeans scene is just a thing that we Malaysians should not try and copy.(like many other trends)

Skinny jeans, skinny jeans, sudahlah. Nak sambung main Facebook lagi best.

finally, this girl uses her brain!

Let's give a warm welcome to Anya the Aussie wannabie! She's joined blogspot at last! Baru sekarang tau xanga are for losers. Check her page yo, i promise you that you wont be dissapointed. Penuh dengan drama impak aksi dan ayat ayat poyo perasan mat salleh Aussie!


click here to check out Anya gadis Desa Pandan!


Come back quick Anya, we miss you!

feeble attempt on studying.

Distractions are everywhere. Distractions come in various shape and sizes. It can be a beanbag, laptop, music, shisha or whatever crap things that are near to me. I can't seem to study except when im attending tuition. This is sad.

Yesterday : Hari Malang.

1. I stepped on arang panas while i was making shisha. Kaki berlubang.

2. I went all the way to Ampang for my cat's appointment. Turns out the vet is not around. So i went all the way back to Shah Alam.

3. It rained all the way and one of the worst traffic jam i've ever encountered.

4, Sakit perut macam sial.

5. My leg is still berlubang.

6. I was so damn bored the whole night. I stayed at home infront of my laptop sampai subuh.


But hey, look on the bright side! Anya finally changed to blogspot. Xanga can kiss her ass goodbye. Haha. That doesn't make Australia a cool place though.

Okay, gonna go try and study. *I'm not going to, trust me.*

malangnya nasibku.

Oh man, sedihnya.

Ilyana Ibrahim a.k.a The Sister said:

"Mama said bila i dah balik i'll get to use MyVi."

"Mama guna Rio."

"Jaja guna Wira."

"Kau guna beca. Kaki panjang senang nak kayuh."

Jom slit the wrist?

where did my voice go?

I lost my voice. From all the screaming after an intense night at Asia Cafe. I couldn't remember the last time i screamed until i lost my voice. With drunk Chelsea fans shirtless and waving their shirts around baring their furry chest, who wouldn't want to scream their lungs out? The agony wei! And this one Chelsea fan keeps on whistling. Ala, you put your fingers in your mouth and blow tu.

Feeeeeewwwwwiiiiittttttt!!!!!

Like that. And it was bloody loud. Sumpah sakit telinga. Bodoh Chelsea fans ni. Takpe, we Reds have our own cheer captain! There's this one Chinese dude who is a bloody fanatic fan of Man United. He's in charge of the cheering. And because the place is packed with United fans, AC roared. But sedihnya, he keeps on cheering the same thing lah.

"M.U! M.U!"

"United! United!"

"Glory Glory Man United!"

And the lamest of them all:

"Boo sama dia! Boo sekali lagi! Boo Chelsea!!"

Woih malu sial. I was laughing my ass off listening to them cheer. I joined them too. I screamed like hell.

"Strepsils! Strepsils!"

Fuh, sakit tekak weh.



Padan muka kau Drogba bodoh hina anjing!

Suka hati je slap muka Vidic, you pay the price bitchface.

Oh, what a perfect birthday present, winning the Champions League. Happy birthday Farny!

Bye bye.

Guess who's back?

Hey guys, sorry for the long absence. Memang best tak buat apa apa ni actually. But dah bosan nak mati. So i decided to start blogging again. Banyak sangat demands ni. Haha. Well, i have a lot of things to talk to actually. I didn't know such a lame blog could attract quite a few people. And a few of them who don't like the way i write. Im sorry girls, but do i look like im the kind of person who cares about my reader's feelings? Go get a life. Your lame way of thinking are not suitable for reading my blog. Oh ya, expect more pictures after this okay? Dah ada camera!

I'll update after this okay? I have tuition at 8. See, and they say i don't study. Cunts.

time out everyone!

Hey guys, im sorry i haven't been writing for quite some time. I just don't feel like it. For now, i would just like to take time off and just runaway from life's responsibilities. Enjoy my time. Lol, im not being emo or shit but it has been a hectic time for me. I'll be writing soon enough, don't stop checking it out okay! If you guys wanna beg me to write again feel free to contact me, i'm still alive okay. Haha. I'll be writing back in a few weeks time.

Till then!

the sunburst experience.

Seronok seronok!



Okay im still having difficulties typing with a bandage on my finger. Check it out, sempat promote blog lagi! I'm writing this at my campus. Coolnya! Hahaha jijik. Azman is sitting beside me buat muka nakkenatampar.








So, Sunburst Music Festival just passed a few days ago. Best wei, best. I was there even before it rained. Watched Pop Shuvit for awhile until it started to rain. So i went berteduh at the nearest camp. I met a couple of kids who happen to know me (unsurprisingly) and they asked me to buy beer for them. Kafir Yahudi. Because they offered me ciggies, I did them a favour by showing them the way to hell.



Sunburst was really interesting because i got to see alot of weird people and even more weird behaviour. Some of them were ;

• This really ugly Malay girl who thinks she's hot dancing in front of me like a maniac, drinking beer and cheap vodka while smoking all the time. Thank god she was wearing a cap and she was short so i can't really see her face. Or else i would have puked on her face.
  


• This old Mat Salleh rocker who was at a booth selling George Clinton and The Parliament Funkadelics's t-shirt claimed that the t-shirt that he was selling was really rare and he had to smuggle it all the way from Russia.
  


• While The Roots were performing, I was hanging out at the back because we were too tired to join the crowd. I saw a dude, wearing a singlet and holding an umbrella. Dancing. Dancing like a girl. He was trying to dance like what i think was an impression of Usher or Chris Brown. But sadly, the only thing in common that i noticed was his skin tone.
  


• A Chinese girl, let me repeat that. Chinese. Dressing indie. Cool eh? She was wearing the "I *heart* KL" t-shirt with skinny jeans. Neat eh?

(Save jap, nak pegi class. I'm gonna continue when i get home!)

(Ok, i'm back home and i just finished playing NFL Street. Smart wei game ni! Okeh, back to business)

• A girl i know slow dancing infront of everyone while John Legend was singing. We were waiting for Incubus at another stage so everyone was sitting down. She was dancing like it was her prom night in the middle of the crowd. Who were all sitting down. Hmm.
  


• A dude who was wearing a stupid clown hat (the colourful tall hat crap) with gigantic shades in the middle of the night running here and there. I was tempted to throw my sandals to his face but the grass was wet. Sorry guys!
  


• The worst toilet in the world. No water. No tissue. I had to wait until i was home to do my business.
  

Okay i did see alot of weird people and things but those are one of them. I can't seem to remember others.

Okay, now the best part. Incubus. Yes, Incubus. Me and my friends waited at the empty Sun Stage so that we can get the best spot to watch Incubus. Even if it means missing John Legend's performance. We did get to watch him from the screen though. Kesian this one chick. John Legend invited her to dance with him on stage and she did hapilly. But Johnny was sweating like a pig. When she finished dancing with him she was all wet from his sweat. Hahahaha. Whatever lah, back to Incubus. We waited for 2 hours and 30 minutes for Incubus. But it was worth it. We got the best spot. Okay not exactly but close. We were standing right infront of the stage. Just at the railing thing. And Incubus rocked the place. They played songs from various albums. I was enjoying myself. And suddenly the dude who was standing beside me started to jump. He was dressed like he was about to go to work. A long sleeved shirt and leather shoes! And he jumped so wildly. Countless times he landed on my foot. Son of a witch. But that didn't stop me from enjoying my time there. But a kid behind me did make me laugh though. He was damn quiet throughout the whole show. He only sang along to "Drive". Haha bodo. A girl fainted not far from me. So they had to take her out of the crowd from the railing. So the bodyguard lifted her and her shirt was almost off. I could see all the guys around me paying more attention to her bare skin than Brandon Boyd. Perverts. So after Incubus finished playing they said goodbye to us. Mike Einziger threw away his pick to the fans. But that stupid old tart couldn't throw a pick to save his life. He threw it and it landed at a no-mans-land place which is between the stage and the railing. How stupid can that be. And then came the most dissapointing moment of my life. José Pasillas threw his drumsticks. One of it was flying towards my direction. Suddenly, everything went to slow mode. I could see his drumstick flying towards my outstrecthed hand. Waiiihhh!!! And i grabbed it. It was in my hands! And then came the hands of other idiots grabbing the stick. My finger which you already know was crooked and wrecked just a week back couldn't fight for the drumstick. I lost the battle! The kid beside me yanked the stick hard and he got it. Pukimak! His girlfriend was so proud of him she screamed and hugged him. Budak tu buat muka proud face. I couldn't stand it. I smacked his face and beat him to a pulp. I took the stick from him and ran all the way home. Okay, the beating part tu cerita dongeng. Haha add some spice to the story ay? So i dragged my sad ass back home. Oh, when Incubus was done it was Search's time to perform but nobody gave a fuck about them and everyone went home after that. I feel sorry for them. But that day was really entertaining. I found a ten dollar coupon while i was waiting in line to buy kfc. So me and my friend ended eating 3 pieces of chicken and a burger. Sweet. The Roots and George Clinton and The P-Funk were fantastic. So were Incognito. Oh ya, i got interviewed by ntv7 too. I think they chose me because of my looks. Cewah. Enough of writing for now lah, It's annoying typing with a bandaged middle finger. Till then!

How's that for an Incubus experience Anya? Haha!

why i regret showing the middle finger.

Look closely. No bitch, closer! that's my friggin' middle finger! Best kan? And what's interesting in this picture is that you can see my 'bling bling' rings. Smart, smart. Okay, because i don't know what has gotten on to me that time, i took a lot of pictures so i'll selitkan the pictures between my story.



Let's see. I was at Aizat's house doing some stuffs. So around 1am i decided to go back to Shah Alam. As i was going down Aizat's stupid marble steps, i slipped. (I was wearing socks okay, licin ah! Im not that stupid to fall down just like that.) And so, when i tripped (mind you, buttocks first) i was skating down the stairs with my sweet ass. Maybe i was not in the mood for ass-skating so i put my hands down so that i can stop breaking my ass. When i stopped, i couldn't feel a thing except that my ass hurts. But when i looked at my hands, fu-yoh!




Yes! Yes! It's real. And that white thing is my bone sticking out of it's socket. I was damn shocked. And the conversation with Kid who was beside me at that time but decided not to ass-skating went a little bit like this ;

"Weh, jari aku patah sial!"

"Tarik jari aku weh, tarik!"

"Macam mana nak tarik? Aku tak reti! (He started to pull my finger so unpro-ishly)

"Woi bodoh jangan tarik! Sakit woi!"

"Aizat, tolong tarik jari Pa'an wei, jari dia patah!"

"Jangan tarik weh, kau bawak dia pegi hospital. Kau kena drive!"

Note ; Kid is 18 this year and he doesn't have a license. The last time he attempted to drive my car we almost end up six-feet-under.

And so i said ;

"Kepotak kau, kau la drive!"

So we we're on the way to Ampang Puteri Specialist Hospital and i said the most random thing ever.

"Weh, sorry weh. Aku nak kentut. Tak tahan gila doh!"

And Kid came up with one of the most brilliant answers i've ever heard.

"Kentut la doh, kentut. Kitorang tak kisah."

Lol. Orang gila. And so upon reaching the hospital, i was feeling dizzy. My face was numb and i couldn't feel my legs. Kid and Aizat was "pimpin-ing" me to the emergency place. And i blacked out. Drama king betul ni. Haha. When i woke up i was already on the bed. And when i woke up i felt extra hyper-ish. I started making stupid jokes to the nurses and i started taking pictures. I went to get an x-ray scan later and the doctor tried to fix my finger. It was as if i was giving birth to quadruplets.(I might exaggerate, but you get the point. Haha) And guess what? The doctor couldn't fix it properly. There's still my bone jutting out. So the doctor bandaged my fingers and gave me a jab in the butt. Sweet. And she told me to come again tomorrow to go see the specialist.




Yes, i had to survive one night of terror with the stupid bandage on. I couldn't sleep that night because it was so uncomfortable. And my friends were watching stupid videos on Youtube. So the next morning i went to see the specialist and he jabbed my finger 4 times to make it numb. And Dr.Wong pulled my finger and there's a clicking sound and the next thing i know my finger was fixed. Thank you Dr.Wong! He even gave me a 20% discount. But hey, 20% pun tak rasa doh. Altogether i had to fork out 700+ bucks. So now im broke and in debt. Yea sure, i would be grateful if you guys would want to form a tabung for me.

Last words,
Thanks a lot to Kid and Aizat for all your help and the company you guys gave me throughout all the ordeal. I owe you guys. Thank you, thank you! To you guys out there, this is how friends should be. Cewah. Meh tengok muka hensem diorang meh!





Oh ya, I have a theory. I think i know why i slipped. I was trying to be cute by wearing purple socks. Tuhan balas.

jijiknya si yahudi.

This is Ben's beer belly.

This is Ben Si Yahudi. He is my housemate. And no, he's not cool. He just came home and he said he's gotten allergy. He said maybe it's because of the dust. Bullshit. This guy is a hobo. End of story. There's more of his pictures but this is the clearest i can take and other pictures is too disturbing to watch so i won't post it because you don't want your keyboard to be stained by your own puke do you?

Enjoy the scene.

check this girl out!

http://www.xanga.com/anyarockstar

This is Anya!

A rockstar.

She shook Brandon Boyd's hand and got an autograph from him.

Let's all kill her. Yay! Mari mari check out Anya's blog. She's really cool and she's at Australia. Perasan mat salleh dia ni. Her blog is really interesting and the best thing about her blog is that she promoted MY blog. My blog.

ni satu lagi gambar Coco!

Enjoy!

operasi menampar ko'e.

This is Shukri.

Or better known as Ko'e. Nama comel : Coco.

Coco is very cool. He is very handsome too. He's studying law at UiTM Shah Alam. He's the vocalist of a metal band. He asked me to promote his band so that he can be famous like me one day. But sadly, they still haven't decided on their band name yet. How the hell do you promote a band when the band pun tak ada nama? Slap. I'll update this post as soon as he decides on the band name.

One more thing. I just don't understand why all the law chicks lepak with Coco. Yea i know he's hot, but come on! It's Ko'e! They even gave him the name Coco. Tampar, tampar, tampar.