oh gosh, they've taken panoramix!

To be fair, I've lost interest in writing. It has been months since I last wrote a proper post. I guess I got bored of writing. It's not fun anymore.

I've been in London for more than 3 months now. It feels like I've been here for a long time. I've settled down finally. I've been staying at my friends house for 2 months, staying in a room that can only fit a bed and a small cupboard. Even the toilet is bigger than my room, no shit. Yeah, so basically I've been having a hard time when I got here.

Well, things are getting better now. I've moved to a small studio right in the center of London. It's not a big one, it's slightly bigger. Now I can walk an extra 3 steps. That's an improvement kan? I have to share the toilet with the person staying next to me though. The toilet is so small I can't even sit properly. Kena duduk senget sebab tak muat duduk betul betul. The shower is in my room. The shower is small too. I can't bend down to take the shampoo. Kena bengkokkan kaki, badan straight and capai the shampoo/sabun. Haha sedih gila.

I don't know why but I still get people talking about me. Saying that I'm too rich that I have to stay alone in Central London. Well fuck that. I've been working my ass off to pay for my rent, so it's up to me to stay wherever the fuck I want to.

But whatever it is, I'm in the shit again now. I stopped working because my exam is just around the corner. I've just moved in to this place 2 weeks ago so I had to buy a lot of things. So now I am broke. I have £13 to last for 2 weeks. Don't convert people, It's like having RM13 for 2 weeks. And I'm living alone so I have to pay for everything.

Yeah, basically that's how it's been for me. Let's get to the fun part now.

London is awesome I must admit. I love it here. Walaupun sometimes the weather can be a bit frustrating. Yesterday I felt the strongest blow of wind in my life. I was walking and the wind was blowing against me. Suddenly, a strong gush of wind came out of nowhere. I literally got blown away by the win. Tercampak ke belakang, nasib baik tak jatuh. Mat Salleh kat sebelah gelak tengok. Iyee bang, memang saya ni gemuk sebenarnya angin tiup rilek je.

It rains here like crazy too. Dah 3 hari hujan tak berhenti. But it's always drizzling. The people here are awesome too. London people are very law obedient. They follow the rules. Standing on the right side of the escalator, wait for the people to get out of the bus/tube first before getting in and stuff. But one thing that amazes me the most is that the cars would stop if there are people at the zebra crossing. Tak kisah lah laju mana, they'll even step on the emergency brakes to let you pass. Rindu pulak Mat Rempit ni. Haha.

Well, these small things doesn't seem like it's a big deal but when you come to think about it, it really does make a huge difference. You know what they say, it's the small things that count.

I'm still getting used to London. One thing that I think I will never get used to are the cold toilet seats. Sumpah mengundang. Dude, it's not cool when you're having a stomach ache and you have to sit really slowly to get used to the cold toilet seat. Berpeluh peluh weh. Duduk laju laju karang terkejut punggung tak pasal masuk balik karang.

And nowadays, it gets dark really early. Pukul 4 dah gelap. It's really depressing when you don't get to see the sun that often. When you go for classes, by the time you go out it's already dark. Rasa macam class lama sangat. Like today, I woke up at 4. Matahari dah lesap. Pressure sial.

Alright people, that's enough for now. I'm gonna write more if I feel like too. Thank you for your time. :)

farny in the big city part II

Hey people!

I'm sorry I haven't been updating for awhile, I've been busy. I have to settle everything before I go. For some of you who don't know, I'm going to London to continue my studies. Big city part II yo. I don't have much to write so I'll update you guys when I get there. Tunggu I transform jadi Mat Salleh dulu eh? ;)

berdosa besar jika tahan kencing.

I don't know why, but I tend to attract cops. I think I have the serial killer/bank robber look. A couple of months ago, something interesting happened. I haven't had time to write about it because I was busy with exams. Now dah habis boleh la cerita.

I was driving to UiTM one day because I had class on that day. I was from Ampang. I would use the NPE highway to go to Shah Alam sebab malas nak hadapi traffic jam. NPE has 2 tolls that you have to pay. So I was at the first toll. Coincidently theres this patrol car next to me masa nak bayar toll. Sengaja nak cari pasal, I gave the " 'ssup look " to them. Lepas bayar toll buat la muka bangga and terus jalan. Suddenly the patrol car drove right behind me and turned on the siren. Terkejut la pulak woi. He turned on the speakers and told me to pull over.

I refused to stop so floored the pedal. The patrol car chased me all the way to Shah Alam.

Pergh, ayat nak poyo je. Takde ah, I pulled over immediately after he told me to. Hehe. So the policeman approached me and asked for my license and my ID. He told me to take my shades off and step out of the vehicle. Gila, tak buat salah apa pun kena macam tu. After dah keluar he checked my car. Korek semua lubang yang ada. Lepas tu dia suruh bukak the boot. Apa benda wei, tak pasal je. So I opened it. Dalam tu ada 4 golf clubs my mum gave to me to beat people up. Peh, poyo lagi. So the officer asked me if I play golf. Malas nak panjangkan cerita I said it was my dad's.

Tiba-tiba dia ternampak my bag at the back seat. He asked me what's inside the bag. I said it was my clothes. Dia buat muka tak percaya. He went to the back seat and selongkar-ed my bag. Berterabur semua baju. Kurang ajar gila. Haha. I think dia tak puas hati sebab tak jumpa apa apa, he told me to put my hands on the roof of my car and spread my legs.

*Whaaaaaaattt??*

So I did what he told me to do. Menggigil jugak la terkangkang macam sakai dekat tepi highway while the officer checked my body. Nampak macam penjenayah mana je. Cars slowed down to look at what was happening. Dapat tangkap Botak Chin ke ni? Ada rasa bangga sikit la timbul bila semua orang tengok. Haha. Sempat la wink dekat perempuan sorang dua. ;) Baru nampak jahat. Hahahahaha. Geli sial.

Anyways, after the officer dah puas meraba otot otot kental tapi tak jumpa apa apa he let me off. So from now on if you see me giving the " 'ssup look ", better stay away. Karang tak pasal kena raba dengan police.

"macam ni lah bila Melayu dapat kuasa." - Azman Halim

(bukan pak guard didalam cerita ini.)

I hereby declare war with the pak guards at UiTM Shah Alam.

I will make your life miserable and I will steal much much more!

Okay, here goes. This happened yesterday. I was gonna send my friend back to her hostel. Usually, hantar lah sampai depan the block. Masa nak masuk gate tu, tiba-tiba ada guard duduk sebelah. He raised his hand. Okay, biasa lah. Angkat la tangan balik. Lalu kat sebelah dia tiba-tiba dia ketuk tingkap kuat kuat. Belum apa lagi dah buat muka nak kena tampar.

So I rolled down my mirror. (hmm, roll ke kalau tekan switch tu eh?)
Okay people, our conversation goes something like this.

PG: Eh, aku suruh kau berhenti kenapa kau tak berhenti? Sukati kau je jalan eh?

F: Aik? Pakcik suruh berhenti ke? Saya ingatkan pakcik angkat tangan je. Saya pun angkat la tangan balik.

PG: Kamu ni betul kurang ajar eh? Saya suruh berhenti kenapa tak berhenti? Kamu tau tak kenderaan pelajar tak boleh masuk sini?

F: Saya dah cakap kan, saya ingatkan pakcik angkat tangan. Saya taktau kenderaan takleh masuk. Saya pun nak hantar kawan saya je.

PG: Kamu tak nampak ke tulis besar-besar tu tak boleh masuk? Kenapa kena hantar kawan awak sampai depan? Dia tu siapa sampai tak boleh jalan sikit?

F: Selama ni saya hantar boleh je.

PG: Ini lah pelajar sekarang, kau jadikan trend eh nak langgar peraturan? Kau orang ingat korang siapa?

F: Mana ada trend.

(This topic lasted for 5 minutes. He keeps on saying the same thing again and again. Btw, I'm not sure what to call him actually, tak tua tak muda. Pakcik je lah.)

PG: Kamu nampak tak kereta Unser kat depan tu?

(There's a Toyota Unser around 50 metres infront of us)

F: Nampak.

PG: Kau takkan tak tahu siapa dalam Unser tu wei?

F: Saya tak tahu lah.

PG:(sambil menggeleng kepala) Ish ish, kau ni pelajar sini ke? Dalam kereta Unser tu pun tak kenal?

F: Mana lah saya nak kenal semua orang bawak kereta apa kat UiTM ni.

PG: Bagi kau punya kad pelajar.

PG: Dah 4 semester kat sini pun tak kenal siapa tu? Kau tau tak HEP siapa?

F: Saya tak kenal.

PG: HEP pun tak kenal? Apa nak jadi kat kau ni? Ni lah, belajar je universiti tapi perangai buruk. Benda yang patut tahu pun tak tahu.

F: Apa apa lah pakcik, saya minta maaf.

(I thought by saying sorry he'd stop babbling but I was wrong. He keeps on talking and talking. Muka kau dahla macam babi, nak buat muka konon tak puas hati. Mengundang penyepak.)

So, after 20 minutes talking, he told me to go. Apa lah masalah kau pakcik? I've got better things to do than identifying who's driving what kind of car. I don't read carta organisasi UiTM when I'm bored so I don't give a damn who's the HEP. And sorry pakcik, si pelajar universiti ni tahu benda apa yang dia patut tahu. Sebab tu la dapat masuk universiti.

And what Azman said after that fits just nice.

"Macam ni lah Melayu bila dapat kuasa sikit."

Oh, and today?

Pak guard kat main door stopped my car and rampas-ed my sticker. Dia suruh buat yang baru punya. Kau tau tak betapa buruknya sticker baru tu? Tak sanggup weh!

Pak Guard UiTM Shah Alam, I declare war.

Fuck you guys! Biadab!

Federico Macheda. Remember the name!

5-goal thriller. Which made me forgot how to sit for 15 minutes. Berdebar gila sampai hanya sanggup berdiri depan tv, lompat lompat pastu mencangkung sebab penat lompat. Apa gila punya game ni? Best game of the season so far. When Macheda scored, I shouted 'GOAL' as loud as I can. My mum woke up. Menggelabah dia turun ingat rumah kena rompak. Sia-sia kena marah pagi buta ni. Ceh.

First time sakit tekak dan berpeluh tengok bola kat rumah. Hampir tertendang laptop secara tak sengaja.

Go to hell Liverpool.

Cygnus.. Vismund Cygnus.

Hmm, I was watching AXN this one day and there's this new show called Wipeout. It's a game show. Tengok sendiri lah, malas nak cerita. Anyways, I have a habit of reading the subtitles while watching. And there's this one part where the contestant mengelak dari kena lepuk dengan this giant plastic rod. So the commentator said :

"Oh! And he jumps to the left to avoid from being impaled by the giant rod!"

The subtitles for that word that made me raised an eyebrow was :

"Oh! Lalu dia meloncat ke tepi untuk mengelak dari disula batang yang besar itu!."

OWW-EMM-GEE! The horror wei!!


Well, www.Dictionary.com states that the definition of Impale is:
[i/ɪmˈpeɪl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation m-peyl] Show IPA –verb (used with object), -paled, -pal⋅ing.

1.	to fasten, stick, or fix upon a sharpened stake or the like.

2.	to pierce with a sharpened stake thrust up through the body, as for torture or punishment.

3.	to fix upon, or pierce through with, anything pointed.

4.	to make helpless as if pierced through.

5.	Archaic. to enclose with or as if with pales or stakes; fence in; hem in.

Nice.
Now i gotta go impale someone.

Accounting, is for losers. Period.

I don't know why, but everytime I'm being left alone to rot dekat Shah Alam, I tend to write more. Hmm, patut ditinggalkan selalu macam ni.



A few weeks back, I started going for tuition. I had to because I can't afford to screw up the paper again. And of all the places, I went for Kasturi Tuition Centre.



Yes people, Kasturi. If you are not from Kuala Lumpur, let me tell you about Kasturi. Pusat tusyen paling terkenal di Kuala Lumpur. Ask anyone, they would know. Tempat menjual muka. Pergi class macam nak ke KLCC. Perfume suku botol wajib digunakan. Padahal dalam kelas bukan pay attention pun, mata meliar mencari gadis gadis comel. SPM tetap hancur.



Anyways, the place where Im going bukan the Kasturi that the kids go, my one high class sikit. Kasturi School of Accounting. Cewah. So, when I went there dapat la gelakkan budak sekolah yang nak menjual muka disana. Gaya sungguh poyo. Gelak punya gelak teringat dulu pun macam tu jugak. Terus diam.



My class, is the part-time class. Because if you guys don't know, I'm already studying at UiTM Shah Alam. So my class pun orang yang part-timers juga. And I'm the only one around my age. And the only malay. Yang lain semua dah tua. Nobody would sit next to me. Sedih sial. Cakap pun tak. Semua kasi pandangan jijik. Maybe it's because of the shiny thing on my eyebrow kot. Tanda-tanda patut dibuang dah ni.



My class lecturer is the weirdest guy I've ever met. Masa tu, it was the Chinese New Year season so Kasturi hired some lion dance. The lecturer said to get ready, sure bising. And some other weird things. Some of them are:



"Eh you Indian people, when the lion come ah, you bring your kavadi and stab them can ah?"



(At this time, the lion was dancing downstairs, he opened the window and said)

"Someone go get a plastic and fill it with water, throw it to the lion can ah? Tell them to shut up"



"When the stupid lion come ah, you people show the finger to them, sure they shut up one."



??? Weirdo sial. Haha but that's the only entertainment I get there. Because for 3 hours, I don't open my mouth. Nobody would talk to me. (kisah sedih)



What to do, sacrifice untuk education punya pasal. Ayat ini sungguh poyo.



Thank you. Someone come entertain me here. Bosan lah duduk sorang.



(gambar mintak cubitan nakal minggu ini.)

Ihik ihik!~

298 all day long.

Action :

Bibir belah atas kanan ternaik dengan sedikit diikuti jelingan garang.

Results:

Kepala lutut terus tukar jadi Jell-O.


Can anyone teach me how to do it? Ada buat class tuition? I'm willing to pay.

Myth:

RedBull can make you high.

Results:

Confirmed. Sugar rush macam durjana.

Moral of the story?

Do not take 3 cans of RedBull in a row with thoughts that you can be alert while driving. Hyper macam monyet. And rasa macam nak mati. Lagi lagi rakan lain yang berada dalam kereta sedang nyenyak tidur. Layan la gila tu sorang diri. :S

goodbye palidjah jono!

Don't have fun di Australia, study! Haha I'm going to miss you sister. Kalau ada masa lapang meh la singgah Malaysia ye.

I'm sorry if I did anything wrong. Bila dah sampai sana jangan lupa berbelanja untuk adik tersayang. I know you're gonna cry your eyes out when nak bla nanti. I'm gonna take a picture pastu blog.


Ogay, let's blog!

Hmm, tak tau kenapa tapi ada line kat bawah ni. Taktau macam mana nak hilangkan. But who cares, tulis je lah.

Right now I'm watching Astro Supersport. WWE RAW. Iyess, wrestling. Siapa yang tak tengok wrestling waktu kecil dahulu? Memang best. My time, I love watching Stone Cold and Kane wrestle. Masa kecil memang mudah terpedaya. Mati mati ingat Kane ni datang dari neraka, The Undertaker memuja syaitan, China seorang lelaki bertukar jadi perempuan (okay saje tipu). Oleh sebab itu lah masa sekolah, kami semua amat taksub dengan wrestling. Seronok betul. Sekolah dijadikan tempat berbincang tentang wrestling. Ini adalah cerita betul. Sewaktu darjah 4, dalam borang ko-kurikulum tempat tulis cita-cita saya letak Ahli Gusti. Yes. Tahap tu lah kegilaannya. Pastu kena rotan dengan cikgu. Hmm. Rumah saya pula dijadikan tempat beraksi setiap minggu sebelum pergi sembahyang Jumaat. Juga tanpa pengetahuan ibu bapa. Hmm, zaman sekolah banyak jugak rahsia. Haha. So seperti biasa, semua geng geng penggusti datang berkumpul di rumah saya sebelum pergi sembahyang Jumaat. Pelbagai jenis aksi dilakukan. Berdiri atas railing dan terbang backflip ke atas kerusi sofa. Saya masih ingat, ketika itu saya sedang mengenakan "Walls of Jericho" to a friend of mine. Kalau tak tau apa tu pergi tengok wrestling! Loser. Well, dia pun meronta-ronta cari jalan untuk melepaskan diri dari cengkaman maut. Si bodoh tu meronta dengan amat kuat sekali. I lost my balance. Terjatuh tersembam. Pang!

Itu je yang dapat diingat. Lepas tu taktau apa jadi. Sedar sedar dah kat masjid. Tengah duduk dekat belakang masjid sambil dikelilingi rakan-rakan. They said i fell and hit my head on the floor and i blacked out. Hok eleh, wrestling main-main pun boleh concussion ke? Gila brutal. At that time, I was having a splitting headache. Sakit nak mati. Bibir ada kesan luka yang agak teruk. Kepala benjol. They said i fainted for 5 minutes. I asked for water. Tak lama kemudian, seorang kawan datang membawa air. Dia ni pulak taktau la kenapa time tu konon nak berlagak seperti ustaz. Dia menjampi air tersebut. Mulut terkumat-kumit. Ke terkumat-kamit? Sama je la. Pastu dia menghembus. Ptuih ptuih! Tempias air liur banyak pun ada. At that time rasa nak sepak je muka dia tapi sebab tak tahan pening minum je lah. Budak ni dahla darjah 5 je, sembahyang jumaat pun suka ponteng nak baca jampi serapah pulak? Erk.

Akibat kepala sakit sangat yang tak terhingga, saya tak sembahyang Jumaat pada hari tu. Duduk kat belakang masjid je. Hmm, alasan yang agak munasabah eh? Haha. Balik rumah, pergi jumpa doctor. Macam biasa, terpaksa menipu ibu sekali lagi. "Ma, tadi masa nak pergi sembahyang terjatuh pastu pengsan. Nak kena pergi jumpa doctor ni, concussion." Haih, nakal betul time kecil ni. Sorry again ma!

blood.

I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask, "Mother, what was war?" ~Eve Merriam

This time around, while all of us are having fun, laughing and enjoying the peacefulness that we're having right now, people in Palestine and Israel are mourning over the deaths of their loved ones. Gelak gelak jugak, benda benda macam ni kena ambik tahu juga. There are more important things to listen than ramblings about the Kuala Terengganu by-election. Sorry for being political, but it's the truth. Let's stop doing anything for a second and pray for the lost souls of the Gaza War. War doesn't solve anything, it just makes it more complicated. War does not determine who is right - only who is left. Fuh, ayat penuh falsafah =)


Sorry if this post agak bosan, I'm having writer's block right now. Tetapi dipaksa juga untuk menulis. Erk. Cerita pasal darah darah ni, I was once involved in a 'peristiwa berdarah' too. Back in standard 3. Just after the "Seaweed" incident. Kisah ini terjadi pada hari terakhir musim persekolahan. At that time, everyone was just having fun. No homework and no studying. So masa rehat, semua pun main kejar-kejar dekat padang sekolah. Saya pula pada masa tu perasan cool, tak main la kejar-kejar. Duduk tepi je gelakkan mereka yang mengejar. Tetapi masa tu bosan la pulak. Tiba-tiba saya ternampak kerusi kantin sekolah sesat dekat padang. Ala, kerusi yang panjang tu yang kita semua selalu letak chewing gum kat bawah tu. So, akibat kebosanan, saya tanpa sebab pergi la ke arah kerusi tu dan angkat kerusi tu vertically(tanpa sebab). Ketika tu ramai pula budak budak tengah main kejar-kejar. Aah, perkara malang pun terjadi-lah.

Dengan semangat berkobar-kobar, saya pun suruh la kawan-kawan yang berada berdekatan untuk blah jauh jauh kerana saya nak lepaskan kerusi kantin itu dan tengok ia hancur berkecai. Kecik kecik lagi dah ada sifat-sifat seorang pemusnah. Sigh. Mereka pun menjauhi kerusi tersebut. Siap buat countdown lagi. Threeeee.....Twooooo....Oneeeee!! Saya pun melepaskan kerusi tu dengan muka penuh ghairah dan bangga. Tak sabar nak hancurkan barang sekolah. Kerusi tu pun jatuh dengan slow motion. Amat slow. Bila nak sampai ke tanah je, tak pasal-pasal ada seorang budak yang sibuk bermain kejar-kejar lari betul betul bawah kerusi tu.

Oh my God, suspense-nya!

BAMM!!! Bucu kerusi tu jatuh betul betul dekat kepala budak yang malang tu. Berlubang terus kepalanya. Memancut mancut darah wei! Siap ada yang terpercik kena baju saya. Saya hanya mampu membatu di situ. Speechless. I don't know what to do. Budak tu meraung-raung dan kemudian pengsan. Otak saya berfikir dengan begitu pantas! Oh damn, im only 9 years old and already i've killed someone! Semua yang berada di situ menggelabah. Ada yang menangis. Goyang beb! Kemudian datang lah seorang cikgu yang mengangkat budak tersebut bawa ke bilik guru. Saya pun turut menolong sama. Habis tangan dan baju penuh dengan darah. Macam sembelih kambing hitam buat black metal. Sampai di bilik guru, budak tersebut menerima rawatan. Tidak lama kemudian, ambulans pun datang dan membawa budak malang tu(yang merupakan seorang senior. Haha!) ke hospital. Saya hanya mampu duduk di bilik guru dengan tangan berlumuran darah dan menangis. Ya, menangis. Tipu la kalau tak menangis, saya ni bukan Zionis. Tidak lama kemudian, cikgu pun datang. Dia suruh saya basuh tangan dan kemudian datang ke bilik guru besar kerana ada pegawai polis nak jumpa. Wtf?! Teka la apa yang jadi seterusnya?

Saya basuh tangan, dan terus blah dari sekolah. Ponteng time darjah 3, not bad eh? Terus saya melarikan diri dari segala masalah yang ada. Kawan telefon cakap cikgu nak jumpa bila bukak sekolah tahun depan kerana kes masih belum selesai. Hmm, what to do? I told my mum i want to change school because kebetulan ada sekolah yang baru dibuka berdekatan dengan rumah saya. Mama pun bersetuju. Jadi saya pun pindah dengan meninggalkan kisah hitam tersebut tanpa memberitahu sesiapa. Sampai sekarang pun tak kantoi. I'm sorry Mama, but some things are best kept hidden. Hehe. To any family members yang baca ni, diam diam sudah! Hahahaha!

I'm sorry senior boy who i crashed a canteen chair on your head. Kosong-kosong eh? Dengar cerita kamu cedera parah, kepala berlubang. Sampai hilang ingatan sikit. Hehe, sorry tak sengaja. Kan dah cakap, main kejar kejar ni tak cool.

Well, that's all for now. Last before i click the 'publish post' button, mari kita baca ni. Penat berfikir okay.

What this planet needs is more mistletoe and less missile-talk.

So let's kiss!

woot im coming, mutton go yay!

My favorite video on YouTube. Never fails to make me laugh.