al-kisah ganja laut (seaweed)

This post is dedicated to Anya kerana selalu mempromote my blog. Nuffnang, yo!

I am a mayoholic. I'm addicted to mayonnaise. Semua makanan sumbat mayonnaise. Nasi lemak mayo please? Yesterday, i had 3 sets of burger mayonnaise melimpah. After that, muak nak mati. Bau mayonnaise pun rasa nak muntah. After that, i swore to myself that i'm not gonna take mayonnaise for a month.

Baru tadi i had tuna sandwich with mayonnaise melimpah. Macam mana ni? Ceh.

Okay, cerita lain.

When i was a small kid, standard 2 to be exact, i love seaweed. Seaweed = Sempurna. Dulu, my cousin from Japan selalu visit us. Every time datang they'll bring berguni-guni seaweed. Wow! Seaweed? Syurga!

My addiction to seaweed tidak boleh dikawal. Makan seaweed, minum seaweed, tidur seaweed. I have seaweed for breakfast, lunch and dinner. At that time, everyday i will bring bekal seaweed to school.

And one day, during recess, i was happily making out with my seaweed and suddenly terasa nak muntah. Watakwang?! So i ran to the longkang and i threw up. Muntah hijau pekat and bits of seaweed went out. Beberapa tersangkut di gigi. Sumpah smart. Everyone saw me puke and they ran away. Celaka! Tak cool la macam ni!

From that day on, i can no longer eat seaweed. Everytime im near seaweed, tumbuh goosebumps. Even the smell of seaweed can make me puke. Imagine having dinner at Sushi King! Makan petai cicah wasabi sahaja. My celaka sisters selalu ask me to try seaweed. And everytime i try seaweed, even a small piece, my face will turn blue. Terus rasa nak muntah.

Seaweed sucks! Lepas ni jumpa seaweed baling kat anjing! Hak tuih!

So the morale of the story my dear readers,

Cut down on mayonnaise. Akan sampai satu tahap dimana bau mayonnaise boleh buat pitam. So after this if you see me asking for mayonnaise lebih, just say;


"Nak kena tampar?"




Eeeeee, boleh buat mati.

My dear friends, please do not offer me seaweed okay. And don't spike my food with seaweed. I'm gonna puke on your face.

sorry, i missed a few of his pictures!

Look at this and tell me its cool!
(the caption he wrote on this picture)




What u starring at huh?
(I am only copying what he wrote. I know how to spell.)


This All My Latest Pic!


=)
I'm so enjoying myself.

bila si bodoh meminta untuk ditampar.

I don't know where to start! I've been clearing my post 3 times because i don't know the perfect way to say it. So, i think i'll just start with a picture. And believe me, there'll be a lot of pictures on this post.




Question number 1:

Is this really a human being?

Tak pernah seumur hidup aku jumpa orang muka seburuk ni. I would rather eat dog shit than shaking his hand. Normally, i don't just insult random people like this. I do insult them, but i don't post blogs about them. Waste of my time. But this guy right here's a special case. Kepala tengah pening pun sanggup tulis jugak.

Check out this guy's blog.

Farhan tidak bertanggungjawab diatas sebarang kehilangan nyawa ketika membaca blog ini.


This whiny bitch keeps on complaining about how it sucks working in Malaysia. Taknak kerja sudah, balik Nepal tanam jagung. He's so proud that he used to work as a cashier at Wal-Mart USA. He keeps on whining that he made a lot more money there compared to here. And all of his arguments doesn't even make any sense. Of course you make more money you stupid bitch, USA kot. He keeps on converting the USD to RM.


What's interesting about this dude is dia ni poyo sampai tak sedar diri bodoh. He said that Malaysians are stupid to condemn his English. The problem is, he can't even write a proper sentence without making me feel like slapping his face.

MELAYU MUDAH LUPA?? WAT THE FUCK KIND OF STATEMENT IS THAT??? YOU people the one need a major brain transplant not me!

Common think wat ya saying! Its like someone offering ya A mercedez SLA with a PROTON and ya saying ya love Malaysia so much and proud to be a MAlaysian so ya take the MALAYSIAN car! DONT BE A DUMBASS!!!! Really Ya all so dumb to the maximum extent!

And ya wanna condemn my ENGLISH?? GO AHEAD! IT NO WONDER THE MALAYS CANT SPEAK ENGLISH BECAUSE THEY CONDEMN EACH OTHER. "JANGAN BERLAGAKLAH", "KO BKN MAT SALLEH LA", THIS THE KINDA STATEMENT I GET FROM THIS IDIOT MALAYS! YA THE ONE NEED HELP! I DONT MIND YA WANNA CONDEMN MY ENGLISH, BECAUSE I USED TO IT. YA COME TO USA, YA SEE HOW THEY APPRECIATE I SPEAK ENGLISH! EVEN THE MALAYS IN USA. REALLY DIFFERENT FROM YA KAMPUNG STYLE BEHAVIOR! REALLY WORST THAN KAMPUNG PPL!

And this statement comes from a guy who works as a tukang masak at a hotel. This dude.


Aww, so cute.

Waih! Tak tahan doh, buruk nak mati muka dia ni!

Kalau buruk je takpe, buruk tak sedar diri. Seriously you should just read his blog. You're gonna ROFL(ayat Anya) while reading it. And for the finishing touch, look at his pictures.

Farhan memohon maaf jika para pembaca mengalami "serangan epilepsi" ketika melihat gambar gambar makhluk ini.








I'm sorry, i just can't stop laughing looking at his pictures. He says that he's a match maker. Or something like that lah, his English is so terrible i don't understand half of his blog. Keeps on saying ya. YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA. Sepak muka. He keeps on saying that the girl is stupid because her boyfriend is too ugly. Ambik cermin tengok sikit, mesti kau pengsan berbuih mulut.

Linda and her bf. This bf face make me laugh all the time. He looking like he born without a brain in the head. maybe god putting shit in his head. look that face there. wat this shit linda!!! wat this shit! common ya wake up and smell the roses, Ya dating an idiot! really look that face!! it look like the face got a defect somehow.

Ya know Husni would make a really good choice for ya Linda but i really not know why ya still prefer that shit face dude. common he reallly at one time in love with ya but ya turn him down. wat wrong huh? he too handsome for ya? STUPID!!! Look all these good looking guys, they turning into losers day by day. I really not understand it. really i fed up with this fucked up girls!!! wat ya see in those losers huh?? wat ya see? TELL ME!!!!! Is husni not good looking for ya? or too good looking? really i tell ya linda, ya wipe shit on ya own face!

Fara...really sorry to see ya bf the fucking ugliest among all these ugly retards!!!! really really sorry to see that. Ya really a sexy girl but ya got a sucky brain! really ya a dumb ass to me! got a beauty but not use it! Too bad or else ya make a good couple with this dude.

Yeah Azim. Ya know he really like ya but too bad ya being the shit head and ya dating that piece of shit who i cant describe if he looking like human or creature! really dumb!!! IDIOT! Ya miss the boat Fara. Azim is still single! piece of shit you are fara!!!!!

This girl another one she wanna get married with this butt face. she only 20 and he 20 but he got no qualification just an SPM. wat he gonna do huh? look that face!!! He ugly and DUMB! really ya a dumb pakistani girl! A SHIT PAKISTANI GIRL!!! This dude look good for ya!Ya dont be dumb common! THis dude a million time better than that dog ya dating! This another recomendation, This dude name Devaraj. He my classmate last time. he got a pakistani blood too and he single. he make good match!

Ahahahahaha. I cannot believe this guy. Here he is talking about looks. It is kinda funny though. With the grammar mistakes, the 'ya ya ya-ing', and the words that no other normal person would use. And he's no Brad Pitt lookalike i can be sure about that.

Okay, maybe sama kat gigi dengan mata dia ah.

Adoi! I can continue this all night long. Just read his blog lah senang cerita. I think im gonna be epileptic after this. Too much kehodohan in one night.

Till then.





AHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAH!

hidup yang pelik.

My mum is happy when i go out with girls.

My mum is happy when i'm on the phone with girls.

My mum is happy to meet my girl friends.

Why?

Because my mum said that if i don't see girls, i'm gay. And she's worried because im single. Single means you're gay.

Watakwang?

pukulan kiri, pukulan kanan.

Sorry i haven't been blogging for awhile, malas nak tulis sebenarnya. And there's something wrong with my internet connection. I can't use facebook and post blogs. Sorry.

My cina murtad friend Peter Teh played foosball with Anya. He recognized her from my blog. Wah, so famous. And all of a sudden, i remembered my school days. With Peter, it's about tennis. My doubles partner. Si Bodoh penyebab kekalahan.

When i was studying at RMC, my partner was Syafiq Botak. Go read his gf's blog! Raja Izzati tuh. Okay, RMC is a lousy school. The tennis court is full of cracks and you can't even see the line. It's really hard to hit the ball because the ball would go anywhere if it hit a crack. Macam main judi. Hoping for the ball to land properly. But that did not stop us to play every day. Putus asa is not in our dictionary.

MSSKL is the main event of the year. Tennis = Chicks. Simple maths. When we get to play at the main court and all the chicks are watching, mula lah perangai poyo. Hitting the ball as hard as you can and even screaming at times. Yyyyeeaarrggghhh!!! Pukul tak kena.

Quarter-finals of 2004. Still fresh in my head. Comeback of the year. We were playing like shit. First to 8 wins the game. We were trailing 7-0. We didn't give up and we fought back all the way till 7-7. The game lasted so long, we were the last team still playing at the whole place. Semua dah balik. 40-40. No deuce played. Syafiq hit the ball and the opponent returned a lob shot. The ball landed right in front of me. I was standing a foot from the net. Ahhh! Success! I can smell kemenangan! I wanted this to end with such glory so i hit the ball as hard as i can. I can see the fear in my opponent's eye. I think he saw the fire in my dazzling eyes. YEEEEEAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I screamed as hard as i can while hitting the ball. Opponent dah terkencing dalam seluar. Mulut dah berbuih.

ZZZZZZUUUUUUPPP!!!! (sound effects of the ball)

In my mind, victory!

But.

The ball went straight all the way. It didn't even bounce on the court. It got stuck on the fence outside of the court. Wtf?!!! We lost. Those idiots won. I turned around, Syafiq was on his knees looking at the ground. He looked up at me.

I smiled. Peace! Sorry Botak. Haha!

Part 2 to be continued. Malas nak tulis.

Oh ya, i forgot. Atas permintaan para pembaca.

;)