farny in the big city part II

Hey people!

I'm sorry I haven't been updating for awhile, I've been busy. I have to settle everything before I go. For some of you who don't know, I'm going to London to continue my studies. Big city part II yo. I don't have much to write so I'll update you guys when I get there. Tunggu I transform jadi Mat Salleh dulu eh? ;)

berdosa besar jika tahan kencing.

I don't know why, but I tend to attract cops. I think I have the serial killer/bank robber look. A couple of months ago, something interesting happened. I haven't had time to write about it because I was busy with exams. Now dah habis boleh la cerita.

I was driving to UiTM one day because I had class on that day. I was from Ampang. I would use the NPE highway to go to Shah Alam sebab malas nak hadapi traffic jam. NPE has 2 tolls that you have to pay. So I was at the first toll. Coincidently theres this patrol car next to me masa nak bayar toll. Sengaja nak cari pasal, I gave the " 'ssup look " to them. Lepas bayar toll buat la muka bangga and terus jalan. Suddenly the patrol car drove right behind me and turned on the siren. Terkejut la pulak woi. He turned on the speakers and told me to pull over.

I refused to stop so floored the pedal. The patrol car chased me all the way to Shah Alam.

Pergh, ayat nak poyo je. Takde ah, I pulled over immediately after he told me to. Hehe. So the policeman approached me and asked for my license and my ID. He told me to take my shades off and step out of the vehicle. Gila, tak buat salah apa pun kena macam tu. After dah keluar he checked my car. Korek semua lubang yang ada. Lepas tu dia suruh bukak the boot. Apa benda wei, tak pasal je. So I opened it. Dalam tu ada 4 golf clubs my mum gave to me to beat people up. Peh, poyo lagi. So the officer asked me if I play golf. Malas nak panjangkan cerita I said it was my dad's.

Tiba-tiba dia ternampak my bag at the back seat. He asked me what's inside the bag. I said it was my clothes. Dia buat muka tak percaya. He went to the back seat and selongkar-ed my bag. Berterabur semua baju. Kurang ajar gila. Haha. I think dia tak puas hati sebab tak jumpa apa apa, he told me to put my hands on the roof of my car and spread my legs.

*Whaaaaaaattt??*

So I did what he told me to do. Menggigil jugak la terkangkang macam sakai dekat tepi highway while the officer checked my body. Nampak macam penjenayah mana je. Cars slowed down to look at what was happening. Dapat tangkap Botak Chin ke ni? Ada rasa bangga sikit la timbul bila semua orang tengok. Haha. Sempat la wink dekat perempuan sorang dua. ;) Baru nampak jahat. Hahahahaha. Geli sial.

Anyways, after the officer dah puas meraba otot otot kental tapi tak jumpa apa apa he let me off. So from now on if you see me giving the " 'ssup look ", better stay away. Karang tak pasal kena raba dengan police.

"macam ni lah bila Melayu dapat kuasa." - Azman Halim

(bukan pak guard didalam cerita ini.)

I hereby declare war with the pak guards at UiTM Shah Alam.

I will make your life miserable and I will steal much much more!

Okay, here goes. This happened yesterday. I was gonna send my friend back to her hostel. Usually, hantar lah sampai depan the block. Masa nak masuk gate tu, tiba-tiba ada guard duduk sebelah. He raised his hand. Okay, biasa lah. Angkat la tangan balik. Lalu kat sebelah dia tiba-tiba dia ketuk tingkap kuat kuat. Belum apa lagi dah buat muka nak kena tampar.

So I rolled down my mirror. (hmm, roll ke kalau tekan switch tu eh?)
Okay people, our conversation goes something like this.

PG: Eh, aku suruh kau berhenti kenapa kau tak berhenti? Sukati kau je jalan eh?

F: Aik? Pakcik suruh berhenti ke? Saya ingatkan pakcik angkat tangan je. Saya pun angkat la tangan balik.

PG: Kamu ni betul kurang ajar eh? Saya suruh berhenti kenapa tak berhenti? Kamu tau tak kenderaan pelajar tak boleh masuk sini?

F: Saya dah cakap kan, saya ingatkan pakcik angkat tangan. Saya taktau kenderaan takleh masuk. Saya pun nak hantar kawan saya je.

PG: Kamu tak nampak ke tulis besar-besar tu tak boleh masuk? Kenapa kena hantar kawan awak sampai depan? Dia tu siapa sampai tak boleh jalan sikit?

F: Selama ni saya hantar boleh je.

PG: Ini lah pelajar sekarang, kau jadikan trend eh nak langgar peraturan? Kau orang ingat korang siapa?

F: Mana ada trend.

(This topic lasted for 5 minutes. He keeps on saying the same thing again and again. Btw, I'm not sure what to call him actually, tak tua tak muda. Pakcik je lah.)

PG: Kamu nampak tak kereta Unser kat depan tu?

(There's a Toyota Unser around 50 metres infront of us)

F: Nampak.

PG: Kau takkan tak tahu siapa dalam Unser tu wei?

F: Saya tak tahu lah.

PG:(sambil menggeleng kepala) Ish ish, kau ni pelajar sini ke? Dalam kereta Unser tu pun tak kenal?

F: Mana lah saya nak kenal semua orang bawak kereta apa kat UiTM ni.

PG: Bagi kau punya kad pelajar.

PG: Dah 4 semester kat sini pun tak kenal siapa tu? Kau tau tak HEP siapa?

F: Saya tak kenal.

PG: HEP pun tak kenal? Apa nak jadi kat kau ni? Ni lah, belajar je universiti tapi perangai buruk. Benda yang patut tahu pun tak tahu.

F: Apa apa lah pakcik, saya minta maaf.

(I thought by saying sorry he'd stop babbling but I was wrong. He keeps on talking and talking. Muka kau dahla macam babi, nak buat muka konon tak puas hati. Mengundang penyepak.)

So, after 20 minutes talking, he told me to go. Apa lah masalah kau pakcik? I've got better things to do than identifying who's driving what kind of car. I don't read carta organisasi UiTM when I'm bored so I don't give a damn who's the HEP. And sorry pakcik, si pelajar universiti ni tahu benda apa yang dia patut tahu. Sebab tu la dapat masuk universiti.

And what Azman said after that fits just nice.

"Macam ni lah Melayu bila dapat kuasa sikit."

Oh, and today?

Pak guard kat main door stopped my car and rampas-ed my sticker. Dia suruh buat yang baru punya. Kau tau tak betapa buruknya sticker baru tu? Tak sanggup weh!

Pak Guard UiTM Shah Alam, I declare war.

Fuck you guys! Biadab!

Federico Macheda. Remember the name!

5-goal thriller. Which made me forgot how to sit for 15 minutes. Berdebar gila sampai hanya sanggup berdiri depan tv, lompat lompat pastu mencangkung sebab penat lompat. Apa gila punya game ni? Best game of the season so far. When Macheda scored, I shouted 'GOAL' as loud as I can. My mum woke up. Menggelabah dia turun ingat rumah kena rompak. Sia-sia kena marah pagi buta ni. Ceh.

First time sakit tekak dan berpeluh tengok bola kat rumah. Hampir tertendang laptop secara tak sengaja.

Go to hell Liverpool.

Cygnus.. Vismund Cygnus.

Hmm, I was watching AXN this one day and there's this new show called Wipeout. It's a game show. Tengok sendiri lah, malas nak cerita. Anyways, I have a habit of reading the subtitles while watching. And there's this one part where the contestant mengelak dari kena lepuk dengan this giant plastic rod. So the commentator said :

"Oh! And he jumps to the left to avoid from being impaled by the giant rod!"

The subtitles for that word that made me raised an eyebrow was :

"Oh! Lalu dia meloncat ke tepi untuk mengelak dari disula batang yang besar itu!."

OWW-EMM-GEE! The horror wei!!


Well, www.Dictionary.com states that the definition of Impale is:
[i/ɪmˈpeɪl/ Show Spelled Pronunciation m-peyl] Show IPA –verb (used with object), -paled, -pal⋅ing.

1.	to fasten, stick, or fix upon a sharpened stake or the like.

2.	to pierce with a sharpened stake thrust up through the body, as for torture or punishment.

3.	to fix upon, or pierce through with, anything pointed.

4.	to make helpless as if pierced through.

5.	Archaic. to enclose with or as if with pales or stakes; fence in; hem in.

Nice.
Now i gotta go impale someone.

Accounting, is for losers. Period.

I don't know why, but everytime I'm being left alone to rot dekat Shah Alam, I tend to write more. Hmm, patut ditinggalkan selalu macam ni.



A few weeks back, I started going for tuition. I had to because I can't afford to screw up the paper again. And of all the places, I went for Kasturi Tuition Centre.



Yes people, Kasturi. If you are not from Kuala Lumpur, let me tell you about Kasturi. Pusat tusyen paling terkenal di Kuala Lumpur. Ask anyone, they would know. Tempat menjual muka. Pergi class macam nak ke KLCC. Perfume suku botol wajib digunakan. Padahal dalam kelas bukan pay attention pun, mata meliar mencari gadis gadis comel. SPM tetap hancur.



Anyways, the place where Im going bukan the Kasturi that the kids go, my one high class sikit. Kasturi School of Accounting. Cewah. So, when I went there dapat la gelakkan budak sekolah yang nak menjual muka disana. Gaya sungguh poyo. Gelak punya gelak teringat dulu pun macam tu jugak. Terus diam.



My class, is the part-time class. Because if you guys don't know, I'm already studying at UiTM Shah Alam. So my class pun orang yang part-timers juga. And I'm the only one around my age. And the only malay. Yang lain semua dah tua. Nobody would sit next to me. Sedih sial. Cakap pun tak. Semua kasi pandangan jijik. Maybe it's because of the shiny thing on my eyebrow kot. Tanda-tanda patut dibuang dah ni.



My class lecturer is the weirdest guy I've ever met. Masa tu, it was the Chinese New Year season so Kasturi hired some lion dance. The lecturer said to get ready, sure bising. And some other weird things. Some of them are:



"Eh you Indian people, when the lion come ah, you bring your kavadi and stab them can ah?"



(At this time, the lion was dancing downstairs, he opened the window and said)

"Someone go get a plastic and fill it with water, throw it to the lion can ah? Tell them to shut up"



"When the stupid lion come ah, you people show the finger to them, sure they shut up one."



??? Weirdo sial. Haha but that's the only entertainment I get there. Because for 3 hours, I don't open my mouth. Nobody would talk to me. (kisah sedih)



What to do, sacrifice untuk education punya pasal. Ayat ini sungguh poyo.



Thank you. Someone come entertain me here. Bosan lah duduk sorang.



(gambar mintak cubitan nakal minggu ini.)

Ihik ihik!~

298 all day long.

Action :

Bibir belah atas kanan ternaik dengan sedikit diikuti jelingan garang.

Results:

Kepala lutut terus tukar jadi Jell-O.


Can anyone teach me how to do it? Ada buat class tuition? I'm willing to pay.

Myth:

RedBull can make you high.

Results:

Confirmed. Sugar rush macam durjana.

Moral of the story?

Do not take 3 cans of RedBull in a row with thoughts that you can be alert while driving. Hyper macam monyet. And rasa macam nak mati. Lagi lagi rakan lain yang berada dalam kereta sedang nyenyak tidur. Layan la gila tu sorang diri. :S